I struggle, at times, with depression and anxiety. Most of the time I can cope with medication, relaxation, proper diet, exercise and rest. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and it’s completely understandable why I’m feeling this way.
On Friday I’m having surgery. For the second time in my life I will go under general anesthetic. I’m not afraid of the surgery. The surgeon has reassured me that he anticipates the procedure will go well. The procedures I’m having are minor, taking 20 minutes in total. The anesthesiologist has reassured me that all shall be well. She asked if I was nervous and I said I wasn’t and smiled. She asked why I was smiling and I replied “if things don’t go well, it won’t be my problem…it will be yours. As you’ll get to tell my congregation”. And we both laughed.
What I fear is the unknown. Which is truly a silly thing to fear. And I participate in mental gymnastics…what if I get an infection…what if it takes me hours to come out of the anesthetic…what if something goes wrong? All legitimate questions, all with unknown answers. Try to explain that to my anxiety.
I’m not worried about the congregation. My Wardens and Licensed Lay Ministers will take care of everything in the parish. My Regional Dean will look after any pastoral emergencies. And still my innards flutter.
So, between now and Thursday morning when I find out the actual time of the surgery I will keep myself busy, which isn’t difficult to do. The difficult part is remembering to take time to breathe, to care for myself…to do everything I can to release the anxiety I feel.
I’m staying with a good friend in the community where I’m having the surgery to make sure that I properly rest and don’t overdo things. Left to my own devices I would push myself too hard and too soon. I’m told it will be approximately 10 days before I can return to work…I’m giving myself 14 days. And I fully anticipate returning to work at a bit slower pace then I am maintaining right now.
If you are a person who prays, I ask for your prayers for myself, and also for the doctor’s, nurses and support staff who will take care of me through the surgery. I ask for your prayers for those who will care for me after the surgery until I am able to care for myself.
Thanks!