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Posts Tagged ‘simplify’

It is true that I am my own worst critic.  I don’t hold anyone to the same standards I hold myself.  The last few days have been unbelievably difficult, and I’m not really sure why.  I am scheduled to undergo laparoscopic cholecystectomy surgery (gallbladder) on the 23rd of January.  We have our annual Vestry meeting on the 25th.  I have no idea what kind of reaction I will have to the surgery, so I am attempting to get as many things done, ahead of time, as I can.

This includes putting together the Vestry book.  Organizing baptism meetings, pre-marriage counselling, pre-surgical appointments, pastoral visits and bulletins.  Oh, and there’s writing homilies.  Right now the pile of things I need to do feels overwhelming.  Between that list and the housework, child-care, spousal support, I am having difficulty seeing daylight.  And my  motivation has dissipated…in other words, my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone.

I am beginning to think that my work/life balance is off-balance again.  I haven’t even sat on my yoga mat in weeks.  I am not drinking water like I was doing.  I’m not eating properly.  In short, I’m not caring for myself.  And that’s wrong.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for coffee.  I haven’t seen him in years.  This week was his birthday so we are meeting for a birthday-week hot drink.  I’m excited to see him as he always fills my day with light.  I have a list of errands I’ve been putting off all week, mostly due to weather.  So after I see him, I will get my list of things done.  And in the afternoon I will set a list of priorities, and put them in proper order.

Lists and organization soothes me.  I cannot work in chaos.  So I plan, prepare, clean, file, dust, organise, and while I do this I breathe.  I’ve not been breathing properly for awhile.  All shallow breathing.  It’s affecting my sleep patterns and my mental health.

And I have decided that instead of wishing my life away, starting tomorrow, a fresh new day, I am going to put myself higher on my priority list.  Do what is right for me, instead of giving myself what is left.

And while that will mean a trip to the grocery store, which is always an emotional land-mine, I have a list and a plan.  So I’m ahead of the curve already.

Starting tomorrow, I will get it right.

And, exhale.

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My dreaded insomnia has returned. Yesterday my Beloved and I saw our marriage counsellor and, as usual, I ended up in tears. It was horrible. But at least now I have a plan for recovery. I am completely exhausted and am taking time to be well. Finally.

The shelves in my living room have all been dusted and cleaned. The books that felt overwhelming have been pared down and put on the shelves in the living room. I have many books that now need new homes. They are all askew on shelves in the home office, and for now, that’s how they’ll stay. Eventually I will invite a select few to come and peruse and what they don’t take will be donated to a Christian bookstore.

I am a keeper of paper. I’m not sure why, but I am. I have an attachment to it like nothing else in my life. Last night I went to bed at my usual time, following my usual routine, but woke up fretting, about 2:30 am. I got up and tried to read, but I couldn’t concentrate. So I went into the home office which now has empty floor space and started going through boxes. It was meant to be one box, but I sorted through four banker boxes of paper. Notes from my undergraduate days. Notes from my MDiv. Essays, stories, sheet music, all kinds of things were found.

Evaluations from CPE and SPE. Report cards, certificates of merit. I pulled out of each box what I “had” to keep…what was still meaningful to me. When I was finished, I had filled three of the four banker boxes with paper to be shredded/recycled. I also pared down my home files…most of which will be going to the Church as that’s where they should be. Some for which I have electronic copies, I have set aside for shredding. I don’t need the hard copy.

This morning my Beloved loaded the three boxes into the back of my car. Later this morning I am going to take them to a stationary store that does shredding. And I won’t look back.

This simplification process is going really well. Now mind you, there are two boxes upstairs and two downstairs that need attention. They have memorabilia that have been meaningful to me for a long time. One day I will go through them and sort out what I must have and give away what no longer holds the same meaning.

There will always be something else to sort out, something else to clean up and something else to simplify. I must say this process has been very enlightening and lightening, in every way possible.

This is the summer of my simplification. And so far, it is going very well. Full steam ahead.

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