Posts Tagged ‘move’

It is my tradition that on Good Friday black stones are given to the congregation.  They are invited to hold them in their hands and reflect on the last year.  Things we’ve done that we shouldn’t.  Things we should have done but didn’t.  Same for things spoken.  Every year I hold my stone throughout the service, usually holding it in my hand while I preach.  This year I didn’t do that.  I set it down at my seat and left it there.

During the service and the silence I was reflecting on how much has changed in my life over the past year.  Leaving my marriage, my home, my congregation and begin life again in a different place – a different province.

Today before I set my back stone down I kissed it.  And when I set it down I felt a large burden lift.  A burden of guilt, of shame, of self-loathing.  A burden of feeling I’m not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, simply not enough.  I may not an athlete or supermodel.  I may not the beautiful or even pretty. But I am who God made and I live the commandments by which God created me – to love God and to love my neighbour as myself.

I am enough.  I am me.  There’s only one me…and I’m good at that.  I’m a good priest, who is unabashedly in love with the LORD and who wants to be a beacon of light in a dark world.  I’m not anything special or incredible.  But I am me…and that is enough.

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I have walked around the neighbourhood…have discovered where many things are located and how to get there by car or by walking.  I’m getting there…

I took my traveling companion to Calgary Airport yesterday so she could fly to London (Ontario) and then begin her long drive home to the Bruce Peninsula.

Last night I ate supper alone and it was grand.  I had soup she had made before she left.  I rearranged furniture, moved curtains around and started to make my mark on this place.  Last night I sat and watched the snow fall, Christmas Eve snow, called Fernie Powder.  It was grand!

Woke this morning to more snow, a couple of inches of accumulation, and the need to get boxes unpacked in the office.  The boxes are all unpacked.  My desk drawers have things in them and there is the residual “stuff” on the top of the desk that will be relocated soon.  The box of files and CD’s has been found.  My service books are located and easily accessible.  There’s still 8 boxes coming that wouldn’t fit in the car the day of the move…they should be here this week (or so).

I’m scheduling meetings, meeting my Regional Dean next week and preparing for my first Sunday in the pulpit (figuratively speaking…I’m more of a “in the midst” kind of preacher) and behind the table.  I’m nervous.  And I’m tired.

I think the reality of where I am and what I’m doing is hitting home.  I’m going to finish up a few things in the office, then call it a day here…make some lunch and venture out to the post office and for some groceries.

Tonight I have a music planning meeting, that’s exciting! I’ve not been involved in Music Selection in many years…so this will be a treat!

And tomorrow is my first official day off since arrival.  And yes, I’m going to take it.

Life, as they say, is grand!

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When I was first discerning my call to ministry, I worked full-time and went to school part-time.  I was involved with my local congregation every Sunday as a licensed lay reader and longed for the day when I would be full-time at only one thing.

When I got to Seminary I was full-time in study, as well as close to full-time in a parish placement.  But still didn’t feel like I was fully in one world.  I was waiting to be a graduate, and ordained and THEN I would be completely in one world.


I was posted to my current parish in September of 2007.  I was ordained to the Diaconate at the end of November and Priested the following February.  At last, I thought, I will be full-time in one place!  Both feet in one place!  And I was full-time in the parish, but let’s not forget the community, the “outside world” as it were.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I’ve loved being where I am.

Very recently I accepted a posting on the other side of the country.  I’m moving from Southwestern Ontario, Canada, to the Kootenay Mountain Region of British Columbia, Canada.  I leave at the end of January.  I’m driving out, through the U.S. with a friend.

And while this is very exciting, it’s also daunting as I attempt to remain fully present where I am.  Service planning as per usual.  Working on the readings for the balance of 2015 and well into 2016.  Concluding ministry where I am while attempting to prepare ministry in the new posting.

It’s all terribly exciting and terrifying.  It’s going to be something completely different – unlike anything I have every done before.

And so, once again, I am one foot in two places, except this time, it’s more geographic than anything else.  I’ll be leaving farmland, plain and forest for mountains, rocks and trees.

Fighting the overwhelm is difficult.  But together, with God’s help, I’ll get there.  Saying goodbye is never easy.  Even when it’s for something good.

So as 2015 winds down, I will be cleaning my house (as always) organizing my thoughts (as always) and trying to figure out which foot I’m standing on.

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