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Posts Tagged ‘blessing’

It is my tradition that on Good Friday black stones are given to the congregation.  They are invited to hold them in their hands and reflect on the last year.  Things we’ve done that we shouldn’t.  Things we should have done but didn’t.  Same for things spoken.  Every year I hold my stone throughout the service, usually holding it in my hand while I preach.  This year I didn’t do that.  I set it down at my seat and left it there.

During the service and the silence I was reflecting on how much has changed in my life over the past year.  Leaving my marriage, my home, my congregation and begin life again in a different place – a different province.

Today before I set my back stone down I kissed it.  And when I set it down I felt a large burden lift.  A burden of guilt, of shame, of self-loathing.  A burden of feeling I’m not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, simply not enough.  I may not an athlete or supermodel.  I may not the beautiful or even pretty. But I am who God made and I live the commandments by which God created me – to love God and to love my neighbour as myself.

I am enough.  I am me.  There’s only one me…and I’m good at that.  I’m a good priest, who is unabashedly in love with the LORD and who wants to be a beacon of light in a dark world.  I’m not anything special or incredible.  But I am me…and that is enough.

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I’m down to the final four boxes of stuff to unpack.  The pottery survived the shipping and every piece was in tact.  Same with the oil lamps and lantern.  I was quite pleased.

My traveling companion told me once I started putting art on the walls and my own things on the shelves this house would begin to feel like home.  And she’s right.

In the end I shipped 12 boxes of books and 8 boxes of “stuff” that wouldn’t fit in my car.  I wasn’t sure what I had shipped, I was in such a state on moving day.  But everything arrived and I’m slowly finding a home for every thing.  There were some things I wanted to bring but didn’t have time or space, so I left them behind.  So far when I’ve looked for something that I thought I brought but didn’t, I’m wistful for a moment and then the moment passes.

I have collected some interesting pieces of art over the years.  A couple of them were gifts, a few I’ve bought myself and others I’ve collected along the way.  Today I spent time hanging things on the walls of the house and making it feel more like home.  I arrived with no furniture of my own, and a fully furnished house.  Even the bedding was provided for me, which was amazing.  A friend and colleague made me a quilt which adorns my bed.  I have a rainbow blanket that was given me by a friend and it also graces my bed.

A snuggly blanket I bought in late November hangs on the back of the chesterfield and I wrap it around myself on chilly evenings.

Today was a rainy, overcast day.  I spent most of the morning at ICBC getting my car registered, arranging for new license plates, and vehicle insurance.  I mailed my Ontario plates back to Service Ontario and am anticipating a cheque which will help offset the cost of registering in British Columbia.  After attaching the BC plates to my car I decided to run a few errands in the village where I now live, then filled the car with gas (the cheapest it’s been since I arrived here) and headed for the next closest community – an hour away.

It is a larger community and thus has a shopping mall filled with stores that we do not have locally.  I had a list and did quite well, and when I got home I started putting my purchases away and clearing off the dining room table.  It is now adorned with a dark brown round tablecloth and grass green round placemats.  My plan is to keep the table clear of “work” and wrangle that in the office.

Feeling motivated I hung my favourite piece of artwork on my bedroom wall, above the dresser, where I can see it every night and every morning.  A stuffed dog I was given as a baby also adorns the dresser as well as a framed print of female saints, given by a friend.

Tonight I framed two Tom Tomson prints I bought this Fall in Owen Sound at the Tom Tomson gallery.  They are in my dining room.  An evocative print given as a gift by a bride and groom graces a wall in the living room.  Everywhere I look now I see pieces that are meaningful to me.  Every piece has a story and I know them all.

As I gaze around this incredible space I am feeling less like a guest and more like I am home.  The walls are looking for familiar and friendly.  And soon all the boxes will be unpacked and this house will truly be my home.

In the Spring there will be a smudging and house blessing where I will invite the congregation to be part of warming and welcoming the space; they will share in the blessing of this house made a home.

Thanks be to God.

 

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