It is true that I am my own worst critic. I don’t hold anyone to the same standards I hold myself. The last few days have been unbelievably difficult, and I’m not really sure why. I am scheduled to undergo laparoscopic cholecystectomy surgery (gallbladder) on the 23rd of January. We have our annual Vestry meeting on the 25th. I have no idea what kind of reaction I will have to the surgery, so I am attempting to get as many things done, ahead of time, as I can.
This includes putting together the Vestry book. Organizing baptism meetings, pre-marriage counselling, pre-surgical appointments, pastoral visits and bulletins. Oh, and there’s writing homilies. Right now the pile of things I need to do feels overwhelming. Between that list and the housework, child-care, spousal support, I am having difficulty seeing daylight. And my motivation has dissipated…in other words, my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone.
I am beginning to think that my work/life balance is off-balance again. I haven’t even sat on my yoga mat in weeks. I am not drinking water like I was doing. I’m not eating properly. In short, I’m not caring for myself. And that’s wrong.
Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for coffee. I haven’t seen him in years. This week was his birthday so we are meeting for a birthday-week hot drink. I’m excited to see him as he always fills my day with light. I have a list of errands I’ve been putting off all week, mostly due to weather. So after I see him, I will get my list of things done. And in the afternoon I will set a list of priorities, and put them in proper order.
Lists and organization soothes me. I cannot work in chaos. So I plan, prepare, clean, file, dust, organise, and while I do this I breathe. I’ve not been breathing properly for awhile. All shallow breathing. It’s affecting my sleep patterns and my mental health.
And I have decided that instead of wishing my life away, starting tomorrow, a fresh new day, I am going to put myself higher on my priority list. Do what is right for me, instead of giving myself what is left.
And while that will mean a trip to the grocery store, which is always an emotional land-mine, I have a list and a plan. So I’m ahead of the curve already.
Starting tomorrow, I will get it right.
And, exhale.
Can relate!