Recently I learned that a good friend and mentor of mine was charged with something pretty horrible. He was found guilty and was sentenced to 5 1/2 years in prison. I’m having difficulty wrapping my head around this whole thing.
He was one of the first to recognize a call to ministry in me. He walked the journey through the end of a marriage, to relocation, to leaving work and starting all over again. He and his wife were with me when I was Confirmed. B, his wife, was my Confirmation sponsor. She introduced me to the beauty of a silent retreat.
And soon he will be locked away for crimes committed long before I met him. Does he deserve to be punished? Absolutely. Does he deserve to go to prison? That’s not for me to decide. And I’m glad of that.
It’s easy to pass judgment when you hear a report on the news. The victim and the perpetrator are anonymous. You don’t know who they are. What we forget is that for both victim and perpetrator they are someone’s son, husband, father, grandfather, brother, friend. They are someone’s daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend.
The Diocese removed his holy orders, so she is no longer a priest in the Church. The trust he was given was betrayed and so he is no longer considered able or appropriate to use the title.
My emotions have been all over the place. From disbelief, to anger, to rage, to sadness, to emptiness. I suppose, at some point, I will come to acceptance, but that feels a long way from now.
I ache for the victims he hurt. I pray for their healing every day. I also pray for G. For his family, his community, his life. Nothing will ever be the same for him or for his family. He is a new grandfather. That child will have so many milestones that G will miss.
For the victims, they have lost two decades of their lives. I pray they will reach the place of acceptance and will heal. I hope they find solace in the verdict. I pray they can eventually forgive.
I’m shocked at the number of people who know G who have closed the door to him. It’s as though they never knew him. The distance and speed of the refuting has been unbelievable.
His life will not be safe in prison. Because he was a priest in the Church and because of the crimes he committed. I am scared for him. He’s 66 years old. And he’ll never be the same.
Nor will I. Nor will his family.
As I reflect through the swirling emotions I realise that I have lost my innocence through this. I have always been very trusting and often very naive. I’ve never considered this a bad thing. But now I’m not so sure.
I wonder if my own ministry is tainted because of him? Do I trust all he taught me or do I need to re-evaluate? He presented me when I was ordered Deacon and when I was priested. They were two of the proudest moments of my life. He and B were there when my beloved and I got married.
And so now I sit in the uncomfortable tension. I will be here for a while. And I do trust that eventually, it will get better.
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