Archive for July, 2013

Yesterday I met with my therapist for our last session. Because she is in the network with my family doctor I will be able to see her again, should the need arise. We realised I’ve been a client of hers for almost two years. And then we noted how I was when I first saw her and how I am now. A marked improvement.

I now know what boundaries are and how to establish them. I know that I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else in order to gauge my success or failure. I am more confident in my abilities and feel that I have reached my goal…to be a person of integrity. I have learned to stand up for what is right, to advocate for those who can’t and to ask for help when I need it. It is also worth noting that I have learned when it is I need help.

These may seem like small things, but when I first met with A, I was unable to establish boundaries and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown or professional burnout. The burnout is still a real possibility, but the breakdown seems to have passed. Not that it went unnoticed or ignored, but that I developed healthy coping strategies and have put many of them into place.

We discussed the importance of a “team” in situations like mine and that each member of the team adds a different tool to the tool belt. In September I am starting a course on behaviour modification with people who have been diagnosed as depressive. It will be a “next step” for me on my pathway to wellness.

I know that depression and anxiety will be part of my life for the rest of my life. But I refuse to let it take hold of me and rob me of myself. I am the person that God created and I am the one who was set apart to be me. There is no other me in the world, except for me.

So I stand on my own two feet, confident in my ability (most of the time), and recognising that I will not succeed in getting everything done. Nor will I be able to change the world single-handedly. But I can start a movement to teach and encourage others to join me in the movement to eradicate hatred.

Is it a difficult thing to do? Absolutely. Is it going to happen quickly? Probably not. Is it worth the aggravation and heartache that will follow? Absolutely.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. The believe that hatred can be vanquished begins with one heart.

I will never stop loving. I will never stop advocating. I will never abandon the idea that love conquers all. Because I believe, with everything that is good and holy, that I can vanquish hatred. I have removed the “h” word from my vocabulary. I am encouraging other people to do the same. And I am very careful what language I use around my daughter. She is the hope of the next generation, and if I can teach her, she can teach her friends and they can teach their friends…and so it goes.

My story is ever evolving and expanding and contracting as events transpire in my life. There have been immense battles in my life. There will be more of them. And instead of living a five-year plan and forgetting to live in today, I’m taking smaller steps. The future will come, but I need to enjoy the now.

Is my story finished? Not even close. Is the chapter of mental illness closed? Not by a long shot. Today is the beginning of a new chapter. The rest will show itself as it is intended. And not a moment before.

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