I’m only days back from retreat and I’m away again over the weekend to preside a wedding out-of-town, in my former home town. I’m struggling right now because I will be staying at the house where I spent a good deal of my formative years. This will likely be one of the last times I spend time at the house because it will likely be up for sale in the not too distant future.
In the past few days I’ve felt like I’m stuck in some sort of melancholy limbo…from first thing Friday morning until now…
A parishioner died.
I presided a wedding.
I presided a Celebration of Life.
I’m preparing to preside another wedding.
The date has been booked for the interment of ashes for another parishioner. The date chosen is the first anniversary of my dad’s death.
I’m putting together a collage frame for my Mam with pictures of Dad, me, my husband, daughter and dogs.
It’s overcast and humid, while feeling chilly at the same time.
I think there are too many things happening at the same time. I’m feeling like I’m changing gears without pressing the clutch. And NOTHING good ever comes from that.
I was hoping for a quiet night tonight, but instead we are having dinner at my in-laws to celebrate my Mother-in-law’s birthday.
So, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, go finish my chores and get on with the day.
I don’t like being stuck in melancholy limbo. I hope I don’t have to wait here very long.
Barefoot Bellringing 
I think you are not stuck, but becoming aware of the beauty of the true cycle of life. My first night alone with my son was the night my mother passed away. It was truly not welcome at the time, but I can now see it as a heart wrenching roller coaster that best shows us how life works.
Feel what you need to feel. Cry a good cry, and laugh with new families being formed, and the old memories remembered.
Make new memories, and remember to be real to yourself! Choosing to ‘be strong’ when you need to truly experience your emotions stagnates your beautiful energy. Crying and smiling at the same time is good!
HUGS!!!
You are so right. One of my favourite emotions is laughter through tears.